Hannah’s Prayer: A Mother’s Heart

“O Lord of hosts, if You will indeed look on the affliction of Your maidservant and remember me, and not forget Your maidservant, but will give Your maidservant a male child, then I will give him to the Lord all the days of his life…” 1 Samuel 1:11

The bible does not tell how many years, months and weeks Hannah beseeched God for a child. We do know that she desperately wanted one and promised to give him back to God after he was weaned. God heard Hannah’s prayer and blessed her with a son. She in turn, honored her part of the bargain and gave Samuel back to the Lord. As the story unfolds we know that “…Samuel grew in stature, and in favor both with the Lord and men” (1 Samuel 2:26). 

What is the desire of our hearts?  Do we pray for a new house? A new car? A new job? If our prayer is answered will we use it to honor God? While God delights in blessing His children, He also expects us to “walk in His ways” (Psalm 128:1) and to use His gifts to bless others and glorify the “Giver.”

While Mother’s Day is primarily dedicated to honoring mothers, with a little stretch of the imagination, we can use it as a day to extend our “gifts” and share our blessings.

To read and download FREE articles on Healing From Loss please visit www.grief-recovery.org

Why Am I Still Depressed?

 

“In the midst of difficulty lies opportunity.” Albert Einstein

One of the most common symptoms of grieving is depression. It’s not unusual to experience sadness again and again as you progress through your healing journey. This may cause you to wonder if you’re sliding backward rather than moving forward. However, you must not allow times of regression to discourage you. See them instead as evidence that you are healing but need to do more work at that particular stage. Feelings of depression are especially common during holidays and other days that hold special significance, such as anniversaries and birthdays. Knowing ahead of time what to expect and preparing yourself for the possibility that you’ll experience a resurgence of emotions will help minimize the impact.

True healing requires that you accept your loss, choose to let go and move forward in a new direction. Surrounding yourself with people who are understanding and supportive reminds you that you’re not alone. Attending grief recovery support groups or workshops allows you to connect with others who are experiencing similar emotions and can provide insight and encouragement. Involvement in the community or in a project geared toward helping others can serve to take your attention away from yourself and your pain and give you a broader perspective. Several studies support the premise that helping others, even if it means pushing yourself to do it, benefits the giver as much as it does the recipient.

As you continue healing you’ll experience a lessening of grief and in time the memories associated with the severed relationship will be less painful. As you emerge whole and healed, your life may take an entirely different path–one that you may not have considered if it weren’t for the losses. Growing and learning from your experience and the demands that were placed upon you will also enable you to understand and empathize with others who may be facing a similar loss and need your help.

Please visit my website: www.grief-recovery.org to download FREE articles on healing from loss.

God’s Wondrous Ways

The following excerpt taken from an article written by Charles F. Stanley, challenges us to look beyond the familiar and commonplace. It brings us face-to-face with an all-knowing yet unfathomable God. The words are deeply profound and yet childlike in their simplicity….both ordinary and extraordinary.

 An Ordinary Tree—an Extraordinary Savior

 “Of all the things that God could have used to bring about His awesome plan for humanity. He chose to use a tree.

There were so many ways Jesus could have been executed—the Romans certainly never ran out of terrible ways to hasten a person’s death. Jesus could have been pierced with a bow and arrow or stoned to death. He could have been suffocated, decapitated, or burned—as were many others in the early church. Jesus could even have been killed quickly with a sword or javelin.

Why do you suppose that God’s plan included having Jesus nailed to a tree?

And what kind of tree could it have been? When its seed first dropped to the ground, did God notice it? Did He watch it sprout and grow, knowing it was to be the tree? Was His eye on it all those years while it was climbing skyward and gaining strength? When it was cut down and assembled, did He take special care to guide the hands of the carpenter? And when God first saw it in its final form—as the cross—did He weep because of what His Son would endure?”

To read and download articles titled “7 Ways to Honor a Loved One’s Memory” and “Suicide Among Veterans” please visit www.grief-recovery.org

Stick Out Your Toe and Your Foot Will Follow

As the sun rises on a new year and the days, weeks and months unfold will you look back with joy or regret? Determine the answer to that question now by standing firm in your beliefs while remaining open to the endless possibilities.

• Take a close look at your skill and abilities.
• Set goals and pursue them diligently.
• Reach out to others with love (expecting nothing in return).
• Forgive an old grudge (you’ll be set free).
• Take care of your health (you’ll reap the benefits).
• Walk with confidence.
• Regroup when necessary.
• Stand-up when you fall.

Place your faith on the One who is faithful and determine to serve Him without reservation!  God is Love  (1 John 4:16).

NOTE: For ideas on setting and reaching goals read my post (March 11) titled, “Dream Big and Make it Happen.” To read and download FREE articles on Healing From Loss please visit www.grief-recovery.org

How To Get Through The Holidays While Grieving

When we’ve lost someone or something that’s meaningful to us, whether it’s a person, a job or a home, we struggle with an array of emotions. Those feelings seem to intensify during holidays or anniversaries. Knowing what to expect is helpful so is deciding how we’ll handle our emotions and taking action. Below are a few suggestions.

Pray without ceasing.

Prayer frees our mind and places us at the feet of God. It reaffirms His love for us and reminds us that His plan is greater then we can possibly comprehend.

Accept that some things have changed.

Holding onto “what was” prevents us from enjoying “what is.” Changes, whether we wanted them or not, are often opportunities for us to move in a new direction. A direction that we might not have considered if it wasn’t for the loss we experienced.

Enjoy what you have rather than focusing on what you do not have.

Take a close look at what you have and participate fully by connecting to and appreciating the people and blessings in your life. Call a friend you haven’t spoken to lately.Start a gratitude journal and list three things you’re grateful for each day.

Modify traditions or invent new ways to celebrate.

Place the emphasis on Christ’s birth and His purpose for coming to earth. Take time to meditate on His love and mercy and share the “good news” with others.

Do what you can; not what others expect you to do.

If  having a houseful of guests would be too much, consider foregoing entertaining altogether and instead accept invitations from others.

Some people find comfort in volunteering or donating to a favorite charity.

“It is more blessed to give than to receive” (Acts 20:35). Giving from the heart blesses not only the receiver but inevitably finds it way back to the giver, shaken down and spilling over.

Give yourself permission to have fun and enjoy laughter.

Joy is a blessing. It heals our hearts and renews our faith and hope.

However you choose to celebrate remember that a new year brings new possibilities and opportunities. Keeping our hearts and minds open to what lies ahead is an excellent way to reaffirm our faith and minister to others.

To read and download FREE articles on Healing From Loss please visit my website www.grief-recovery.org

Setting up a Memorial

The loss of a loved one turns life upside down. The world as you knew it has changed and those changes require that you in turn adjust to a “new normal.” Changing your perception and behavior and moving in a new direction is not easy. In fact, it’s probably the most difficult thing you’ll ever be asked to do. The mere thought of letting go causes anxiety because you assume that letting go means forgetting the person and denying that the relationship ever existed. Nothing could be further from the truth. Letting go means releasing the sorrow but cherishing the memories that you shared together and recalling the joy that each of you brought to the relationship.

Setting up a memorial can be a way of holding your special memories close to you and at the same time sharing them with others. There are no set rules for erecting a memorial. However, before you decide on a specific project, spend some time considering what would summarize the person’s life in a loving and meaningful way. Gather mementos and memorabilia and look through them. Ask friends and family for input.

You may not be ready for months or perhaps years to consider a memorial. However, when you’re ready, the following pages contain suggestions to help you get started.

Memorial Garden
It can be a simple flowerbed or an elaborate garden that includes a fountain and/or a pond. Be sure to include flowers and/or plants that had special significance to the person you’re honoring.

Memory Book
Put together a collection of memorabilia that was meaningful to the person. It can include awards, pictures, newspaper clippings, art, etc.

Video
Encourage others to contribute pictures going back as far as possible. Include dates and captions and add his/her favorite music. Keep it cheerful and lighthearted.

Website
Write about the influence the person had in your life and in the lives of others. Include accomplishments at work and in the community and any volunteer work or charitable organizations they were involved with. Include pictures, stories, testimonials from friends, awards and accomplishments, etc.

Donate
Make a contribution to his/her favorite charity or foundation in their name. Ask if the foundation will allow a plaque to be hung in their honor.

Volunteer
Consider spending two or three hours a week volunteering at their favorite charitable organization or one that they were associated with during their lifetime.

Scholarship
Consider setting up a new foundation that will help at-risk youth in the following ways: achieve their potential, acquire a college education, receive counseling and mentoring, etc.

While it’s important that you give yourself permission to grieve and mourn, it’s equally important that you give yourself permission to accept healing and move forward with renewed hope and purpose.

The above is an excerpt from my book Life Interrupted: Grief Recovery Guide and Workbook available through Amazon.com and www.grief-recovery.org  NOTE: “See inside the book” option and FREE articles are also available on the website.

Saying Farewell

Writing a letter and addressing it to the person or situation that you want to release is an important step in the healing process. Do the exercise below in a private and quiet place.

Plan on taking at least an hour (or more) to do the exercise. Turn off all electronic devices including phone, faxes, etc. Find a quiet area away from distractions and use paper and pencil to write. (Keyboards can create distance between you and your emotions.)

Start the letter by using the person’s name and begin writing without pausing. Say and ask all the things you wish you had but, for one reason or another, did not. If your loss involves a person due to death, divorce or a breakup, it might help to look at their picture while writing. If your loss is due to a life-altering crisis such as: unemployment, physical disability, chronic illness, etc., address your letter to the loss you’re experiencing and/or the person(s) or circumstance(s) that you feel were responsible. Include anything that comes to your mind. It can be positive or negative as well as questions or answers. Don’t censor your words or edit your writing. Instead, allow yourself to be simple and real, honest and open. When your letter is finished read it out loud and say a prayer of release. The next step in the letting go process is to shred or tear the letter.

In all likelihood, you’ll experience a resurgence of emotions from time to time as you continue to heal. If/when that happens, remind yourself that you’ve made a decision to embrace life, heal and move forward. Become involved in activities that will encourage and move you in a new direction.

“For God has not given us a spirit of fear but of power and of love and of a sound mind.” 2 Timothy 1:7

To begin your “healing from loss” journey refer to the workbook section in Life Interrupted: Grief Recovery Guide and Workbook available through Amazon and www.grief-recovery.org  NOTE: “See inside the book” option and FREE articles are also available on the website.

Letting Go

Healing requires that you let go of the past in order to reclaim your life and begin to live it in the abundance that God has for you. Each stage in the grieving process is a stepping stone that moves you farther along the path of wellness. It’s a slow process that requires time, energy and commitment but the investment is worth it and will mean the difference between living fully or simply existing.

For many of you, letting go is one of the most difficult decisions you will ever make but also the most liberating. The reasons for the difficulty are complicated and multifaceted. Simply put, you’re not only letting go of the person or situation, but of the lifestyle connected to them and/or the expectations that were not fulfilled. The future that “might have been” needs to be replaced with a new reality. Another cause of anxiety is the erroneous belief that letting go means forgetting the person.  In reality, letting go means releasing the pain associated with your loss and opening yourself to embrace and cherish the memories.

Letting go is…

Trusting:            God to provide strength and guidance.

Releasing:        The person or situation because I choose to do so.

Appreciating      The time I was given with that person or in that situation.

Remembering:  The person or situation for the positive influence they had in my life.

Recognizing:     That life is full of new beginnings.

Seeking:             New direction for my life.

Fulfilling:            The purpose for which I was created.

To begin your journey of healing refer to the workbook section in Life Interrupted: Grief Recovery Guide and Workbook available through Amazon and http://www.grief-recovery.org/  NOTE: “See inside the book” option and FREE articles are also available on the website. 

Why Am I So Depressed?

Depression is an indication that something is wrong and needs your attention. Episodes of depression can be debilitating and insidious. They can affect your sleep, your appetite, the way you see yourself and your attitude toward life in general. Depression can create disruption in your professional life and lead to poor performance. It can also affect your personal relationships with family and friends.

Depression resulting from a crisis or a traumatic event is referred to as situational depression and is a normal reaction to loss. However, if left untreated, situational depression can lead to a more serious form referred to as clinical depression, especially in individuals with high risk factors.

Some of the symptoms of clinical depression include feelings of deep despair and suicidal tendencies. Some of the behaviors to watch out for include: disorientation, chemical abuse, deep sadness that seems to be getting worse, refusing proper hygiene care, death wish or talking about suicide.

If you or someone you know is experiencing these symptoms you might want to suggest, in a non-confrontational way, that they consider going for counseling. A combination of counseling therapy and medication has helped many individuals by enabling them to put the situation and their feelings in perspective.

To begin working through your feelings of depression refer to the workbook section in Life Interrupted: Grief Recovery Guide and Workbook available through Amazon and http://www.grief-recovery.org/ (“See inside the book” option and FREE articles are also available on the website.) 

Conquering Fear

Some people choose to isolate themselves rather than face their fears, not realizing that fear is a powerful emotion that can disguise itself in a variety of forms including anger and withdrawal.

Losing someone or something (oftentimes abruptly) that you valued can cause you to feel afraid and apprehensive. The fact that your identity is no longer what it used to be is scary. In addition to that is the fear of what lies ahead and the overwhelming feeling that you won’t be able to cope. And lurking just around the corner is the fear of who or what you’re going to lose next. Even the act of grieving is scary because of its intensity and unfamiliarity.

While healthy fear can serve to warn you of impending danger and enable you to take appropriate action, unhealthy fear can paralyze you and cause you to react in such a way as to create danger to yourself and/or others. The good news—there’s an antidote for fear but it requires you to do the thing you fear most—facing and dealing with it! Fortunately you can accomplish it in small increments. Conquering even one small fear will make you less afraid and more confident in your ability to free yourself from its grip.

To begin working on releasing your fears use the workbook section in Life Interrupted: Grief Recovery Guide and Workbook available through Amazon and http://www.grief-recovery.org/ (“See inside” option and FREE articles are also available on the website.) 

Feelings: Why Do We Need Them?

Feelings are a natural part of your emotional being and play a vital role in your life.  Without feelings (and your reactions to them) life would be drab and colorless, and in some cases you could be in real danger.  Emotions enable you to laugh when you hear a joke, empathize with the misfortune of another, react with anger when you see an injustice.  They also serve to warn you of impending danger or when a situation is not safe.  Feelings are illusive and transitory.  They’re also very real and can dictate how you live your life.  Your goal is to admit and experience your emotions but not let them control who you are, what you do, or what you say.

The first step in working through your feelings begins with acknowledging that you’re responsible for what you feel at any given moment.  Although it’s easier to assign responsibility to someone or something other than yourself, doing so causes you to revert back into denial.

Emotions are connected to expectations and perceptions.  If you change how you perceive a situation, or what you expect from it, your emotions connected to that situation will change as well.  Expressing your feelings verbally or in writing gives them meaning and clarity.  It also helps you to acknowledge and release them and redirect their power in a more positive direction.

The above is an excerpt from my book, Life Interrupted: Grief Recovery Guide and Workbook, available through http://www.grief-recovery.org/ and Amazon.com. Visit the website to download FREE ‘Healing From Loss’ articles.

Living Truth

“You shall know the truth and the truth shall set you free.” John 8:32

Denial serves a purpose—at least in the beginning. It helps to cushion the initial shock and enables you to make whatever arrangements need to be made. But when denial is used to avoid reality it becomes a cushion with a false bottom.

When tragedy strikes, denial can seem like a way to escape the unbearable and overwhelming reality. However, stifling emotions connected to loss creates additional complications for the simple reason that suppressed emotions don’t stay suppressed. Sooner or later they’ll begin to surface with greater-than-ever intensity, causing you to exhibit behavior that’s not in keeping with your usual lifestyle such as: risk-taking, gambling, chemical abuse, or perhaps struggling with clinical depression and/or chronic illness.

Dealing with emotions means facing reality and that in turn means grappling with all the feelings that you’re experiencing. Thankfully, not all of them have to be dealt with at once. You can examine and work through them as they emerge. While dealing with raw emotions may not sound very appealing—living your life fully and with purpose is worth the effort it will take to reach that goal.

The above is an excerpt from my book, Life Interrupted: Grief Recovery Guide and Workbook, available through http://www.grief-recovery.org/ and Amazon.com. Visit the website to download FREE ‘Healing From Loss’ articles.

All or Nothing?

As we go about our daily tasks how aware of God’s presence in our lives are we? Does He get a polite nod before a meal or perhaps a sleepy thank you at the end of the day or does He fill our minds and influence every decision we make? According to Oswald Chambers in My Utmost For His Highest, as a young child is conscious of his mother’s every more, so are we to live and move and have our being in God (Acts 17:28). We need to approach everything in relation to Him and trust Him for the outcome even when it doesn’t go our way.

As human beings our tendency is to take whatever comes our way and plow through under our own strength. When the day turns out to be better than expected we murmur a “thank you” and when it threatens to “squash” the life out of us we’re quick to call out “help me Lord!”

Treating God with less respect than we would a friend is dishonoring to Him and definitely not what He wants or deserves and it deprives us of a deep and fulfilling relationship. Why is it so difficult for us to yield fully to the One whom we can trust….who loves us and provides the strength and guidance we need? We seek that type of relationship from human beings why not with God?

Are we so deceived by our own desires that we fail to see goodness in its purest form?

To read and download FREE articles on Healing From Loss please visit my website www.grief-recovery.org

From the Mouth of Babes

Even when we think they’re not paying attention—children see and observe what we say and do and interpret it in their own way—sometimes with deep insight and sometimes with a interesting twist. The following contributions were made by grand daughters ages 6 and 7.

Mommy’s are special because…
“They are mommies”
“They have kids”
“They help us to be “borned”
“They home school”
“They make breakfast, lunch and dinner”

The strangest thing my mommy did is…
“Put beans in my taco—yuck! But I still ate it”
“Told me to wait a minute—then it wasn’t a minute!”
“Told the doctor I had a Red Eye”

The funniest thing my mommy did is…
“Drove the car in circles when we were lost”
“The cat jumped down next to her from the window sill and she jumped too”
“Lost her keys and we found them in the laundry basket”

One time when we were camping…
“Mommy burned the chicken—but it was not the live one”
“Mommy gave the dog his food in the cat bowl”

The funniest thing my mommy said is…
“That I’m going to name a dinosaur – Mommysaures!”
“Called my cat Its instead of Mitts”

Every Mom Is Special! Happy Mother’s Day To All Of You!

Please visit my website: www.grief-recovery.org to download FREE articles on healing from loss.

Death is But a Door

The following poem by Mel Menzies is about loss at any age of life from miscarriage/new born, through childhood, parenthood, or old age.

“If I leave you with the sunrise
When I’ve scarcely drawn a breath,
When the cord that still connects us
brings not life, but only death;

When your labours leave you fruitless
And your heart is feeling sore,
Will you mourn me – but remembering
That death is but a door.

I may stay a little longer
‘Til the sun has climbed the sky,
When you’ve answered all my questions
But I keep on asking Why?
And you’ve read me all the stories
But I go on wanting more;
Will you mourn me – but remembering
That death is but a door.

You may lose me when I’m adult
And the sun is high at noon;
When I’ve given you a grandchild,
And my leaving is too soon;
Will you teach my child to love me?
Let her know what I stood for?
So she’ll mourn me – but remembering
That death is but a door.

It may be that I shall tarry
‘Til the sun sinks into dusk,
When my body’s bent and withered
Like dried wheat within the husk,
And I’m left with only memories –
Since you have gone before,
Then I’ll mourn you – but remembering
That LIFE is but a door.”

© Mel Menzies, April 2008

Mel is the author of eight books, one a Sunday Times No. 4 Bestseller. She is also an experienced Speaker and has addressed live audiences of between 20 and 700+ in addition to participating in TV and Radio chat shows. Her books may be purchased online from her website, Amazon, or Booklocker ALL profits from book sales are for charity.