What Can I Do To Help?

The pain that we feel when we loose a loved one as a result of death or divorce affects each of us differently. It’s a deeply personal experience that we interpret through our unique view of the world and our lived experiences. Many factors including our personality, beliefs, culture and our relationship with the person we lost will determine how we grieve. The range of emotions that we feel can include: denial, anger, fear, hurt, depression, guilt, etc. Our emotions may vary in intensity as well as the manner in which we express them.

There is no right or wrong way to grieve nor is there a prescribed length of time. Some people may grieve for weeks, months or even years before they’re ready to move forward and embrace life again.

Allowing the grieving person room to find their own way toward healing while at the same time providing support is a wonderful thing. Caring can be expressed in many ways. The following are a few suggestions.

• Send a card with a handwritten note
• Call them on a regular basis
• Listen without censoring or judging
• Invite them to dinner at your home
• Encourage them to attend a grief support group
• Offer to attend the first meeting with them
• Give them a grief recovery book if they’re not ready to join a group.
• Ask them what they need help with

There are many other ways that you can help–let your heart lead the way. The important thing is to stay in touch and follow through with your offer to help.

To read and download additional articles on Healing From Loss please visit my website.  www.grief-recovery.org

Why Does it Hurt so Much?

No other loss, however significant, impacts us as profoundly as does the loss of a loved one. The range of emotions that we experience can include: denial, anger, fear, hurt, depression, guilt, etc. The emotions may vary in intensity as well as the manner in which we choose to express them. Many factors including our personality, beliefs, culture and our relationship with the person we lost will determine how we grieve. However, experiencing intense feelings as a result of our loss is normal. It’s important that we acknowledge and release, rather than deny and suppress them.

Because grieving is a deeply personal experience, there’s no right or wrong way to express our sorrow nor is there a prescribed length of time when grieving should end. Some people may grieve for weeks, months or even years before they’re ready to move forward and embrace life again. Oftentimes, emotions that were present at an earlier stage may reappear especially during anniversaries or holidays. Nevertheless, those moments of regression that seem to deny our progress toward wellness, are actually signals that more work needs to be done at that particular stage.

Reaching the point of accepting the loss and moving forward can create anxiety for many people. They assume that letting go means forgetting the person and denying that the relationship ever existed. Nothing could be further from the truth. Letting go means releasing the sorrow but cherishing the memories you shared together and recalling the joy that each of you brought to the relationship. The loss of a loved one turns our life upside down. Our world as we knew it has changed and those changes require that we in turn adjust to a new “normal.”

While it’s important that we give ourselves permission to grieve and mourn, it’s equally important that we give ourselves permission to accept healing and to move forward with renewed hope and purpose.

To download FREE articles on healing from loss & to view my books: Life Interrupted; and A Time To Heal: Grief Recovery Guide and Workbook please visit my website: http://www.grief-recovery-org.

Out of God’s Way

“…My power is made perfect in weakness. Therefore I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me.” (2 Cor 12:9 ESV)

How quickly we resort to self-pity when our best intentions are thwarted; our acts of charity are misunderstood or our heroic efforts go unnoticed. We want the world to be a better place and—in our arrogance—set out to rearrange it to fit our “image.”  Forgetting that God is the only Power that can affect true and lasting change, we try again and again while the situation gets worse and worse.

When we acknowledge our weakness and move aside God is able to manifest His power and reveals His magnificence through us.

Please visit my website: http://www.grief-recovery-org to download FREE articles on healing.

Receive Mercy and Find Grace

“Let us then approach the throne of grace with confidence, so that we may receive mercy and find grace to help us in our time of need.” Heb 4:14-16

What an honor and a privilege—to approach the throne of grace (God’s dwelling place) with confidence. Trusting fully and relying completely on His promises we come seeking grace and mercy and release for our burdened soul. The question then becomes will we lay our burdens down and receive his forgiveness?  Do we believe His promise and accept what He has to give us or will we cling to what we have and walk away with our burden still on our back?

He can not renew us until we let go of what consumes us. Laying down our burden—however difficult and however much we struggle—is only the beginning. His grace and mercy extend far beyond release. He isn’t satisfied until He sees the face of Jesus reflected in our own.

To download FREE Healing From Loss articles and purchase books on grief recovery please visit http://www.grief-recovery.org

When Christ Was Born

“It all happened in a most remarkable moment—a moment like no other.” Max Lucado

When the Christ child was born the Heavens burst into light, the angles rejoiced and the shepherds praised God. Even though it was witnessed by only a few of the lowliest members of society, the glorious event was too magnificent to be contained. Filled with the magnificence of what they had seen and heard, the shepherds eagerly shared the good news and returned glorifying and praising God (Luke 2:16-20).

Throughout the ages, God has continued to use those who are faithful to spread the news of His Son’s eternal love and sacrifice. And, like the angels and the shepherds of long ago, we rejoice with gladden hearts.

To download FREE Healing From Loss articles and purchase books on grief recovery please visit http://www.grief-recovery.org

‘Tis the Season to Share His Gift

“Let us then approach the throne
of grace with confidence,
so that we may receive mercy and find grace
to help us in our time of need.”
Hebrews 4:16

Were it not for two glorious events that occurred upon earth two thousand years ago– approaching the throne of grace today would not be possible. Jesus’ birth as a helpless babe opened the door of grace and mercy and His resurrection thirty-two years later sealed the promise.

Approaching the throne of grace “boldly” (as the King James version states) is both a privilege and an honor paid for by Jesus willingness to set aside His godliness and take on the lowliness of humanity. As Christians we have heard and received the “good news” with rejoicing and gladness. As Believers and Followers we have a calling to share it with those that have not yet heard or perhaps heard but turned away.

There are many ways that we can share Jesus with others during the Christmas season. A few suggestions include: sharing our testimony, Christmas cards that glorify Jesus, gifts such as books and DVD’s that tell of His “eternal gift,” invitations to church services, etc.

To download FREE articles on Healing From Loss please visit my website: http://www.grief-recovery.org/

Solomon’s Lost Kingdom

Today is 11/11/11 and, as my fingers begin skipping nimbly across the keyboard, the time is 11:11 AM. What, I wondered should I write about on such a memorable date/time sequence? Almost immediately the thought popped into my mind to consider the eleventh book of the bible paying particular attention to chapter eleven and verse eleven. 1 Kings 11:11 (NKJ) to be exact.

“Therefore the Lord said to Solomon, “Because you have done this and have not kept My covenant and My statues which I have commanded you, I will surely tear the kingdom away from you and give it to your servant.”

What exactly had King Solomon done that caused God to take such drastic action? The very thing that God had instructed him not to do. He had broken faith with God and pursued false gods (v. 4). It was not a momentarily turning away or a spontaneous action. Verses 1-3 state that King Solomon had acquired a total of one thousand wives and concubines from foreign nations…an action that God had clearly forbidden. “You shall not intermarry with them nor they with you. For surely they will turn away your hearts after their gods” (v. 2). In fact, the “Lord God of Israel” appeared to Solomon twice and explicitly commanded him not go after other gods (v. 9-10). Sadly, the last sentence in verse 2 leaves no doubt regarding the extent to which King Solomon’s heart had abandoned God and turned toward his wives and concubines, “Solomon clung to these in love.”

His actions were blatant and purposeful…verse 5 tells us that he “went after” false gods and verses 7-8 state that he built altars to various idols from several nations (countries from which his wives and concubines had originated). However, even in his anger God was merciful. He states in verses 12-13, “Nevertheless I will not do it in your days, for the sake of your father David; but I will tear it out of the hand of your son. However, I will not tear away the whole kingdom, but I will give one tribe to your son for the sake of my servant David and for the sake of Jerusalem which I have chosen.”

How often do we pursue our desires and wants to the exclusion of a relationship with God? How many toys and games does it take before our attention and loyalty to Him begins to fall apart? Unless our faith is deeply rooted in God, unless we’re diligent in casting down every thing that exalts itself against Him, unless we make every thought obedient to Christ (2 Corinthians 10:5), it won’t be long before our feet stumble onto the path that leads to false gods as surely as it did for King Solomon.

Please visit my website http://www.grief-recovery.org/ to dowload FREE articles on Healing From Loss and a list of suggestions on what to “say/do” when expressing sympathy.  

Suicide Among Veterans: Alarming Statistics

Veteran Affairs (VA) Secretary Eric K. Shinseki, stated at a VA-sponsored suicide prevention conference held in January 2010, that 20 percent of the more than 30,000 people who commit suicide nationwide each year are veterans. Approximately 18 veterans end their own lives every day and everyone is susceptible, Shinseki continued by stating that emotional wounds are no less common that physical injuries however, they are more difficult to diagnose which adds to the challenge of suicide prevention.

All returning veterans face difficult challenges as they readjust to civilian life on a daily basis. However, veterans of the Afghanistan and Iraq wars face additional challenges due to the duration of the wars and multiple tours of duty. A number of them suffer from Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) which is a predisposing factor of suicide. Over 90 percent of persons that commit suicide have a mental health disorder that is both diagnosable and treatable; in many cases it is linked to depression or substance abuse. Some of the risk factors include:

• Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder
• Relationship problems
• Financial difficulties
• Substance abuse and addiction
• Depression (ongoing)
• Social isolation
• Mental health issues
• Recent illness and/or hospitalization
• Difficulty sleeping
• Access to firearms

In response to the alarming statistics, the Department of Veteran Affairs has established 24/7 help lines that are readily available, hired thousands of additional health-care professionals including counselors, many of which are dedicated exclusively to suicide prevention research and counseling. All threats, statements and thoughts of suicide should be taken seriously. Initiating conversation by expressing concern and offering to help can save a life. Contacting someone that can listen and provide guidance can mean the difference between life and death. The number for the Veterans Crisis Line is 1-800-273-8255 and their website address is www.VeteransCrisisLine.net.

Ellen P. Embrey, Assistant Defense Secretary for Health Affairs, believes that supplying people with information about the multiple prevention resources is a crucial aspect of suicide prevention. She stated that the armed services are addressing prevention increased awareness and sensitivity regarding warning signs and by developing education and services that will be in place throughout a service member’s career. “Every life lost to suicide is both a personal tragedy and a tragedy to society, whether civilian or military,” she stated. “It’s also a tragedy because, for all of our sophisticated knowledge, we still do not know all there is to know about preventing these needless deaths from occurring.”

Although action is being taken to help enlisted personnel and returning veterans, it’s a case of too little, too late especially for the families and friends of those who lives have been lost to suicide. Considering governmental red tape and the slow movement of any government process, we, as caring citizens need to pressure the bureaucratic agencies to ensure that they put their words into action. Every life is precious and priceless.

To download FREE articles on healing from loss and suggestions on what to “say/do” when expressing sympathy please visit my website www.grief-recovery.org

Courage, Wisdom and Serenity

“God grant me the serenity
to accept the things I cannot change;
courage to change the things I can;
and wisdom to know the difference.”
-Reinhold Niebuhr

In a world that’s constantly changing and evolving it’s difficult to know where to draw the line between “acceptance” and “change.” The uncertainty that exists in the financial world, the natural disasters that occur with fearful regularity, the man-made revolutions that erupt with little warning and the political discord that’s part of our daily lives has made serenity a foreign word and wisdom has become greed.

The greater the chaos, the greater our yearning for a place where we can lay down our defenses and renew our hope. It is then that our soul cries out to the Living God for courage and wisdom to make right choices and peace and serenity in knowing that His love and mercy will never fail us.

To download FREE articles on Healing From Loss and suggestions on what to “say/do” when expressing sypmathy please visit my website  www.grief-recovery.org

Misconceptions About Grief

Although our loss may be similar to the losses that others have experienced, the way in which we process grief is unique to who we are. Each of us grieve in our own way and at our own pace due to many factors including our personality, the uniqueness of our loss as well as our life experiences and belief system. Nevertheless, many people find it difficult to accept or make allowances for that reality. This has given rise to several myths and misconceptions about the “proper” way to grieve. I would like to share the most common myths with you along with a brief counter argument.

• Myth: Grieving shows a lack of faith in God.

Truth: It’s natural to weep and experience sorrow when we lose a loved one. It doesn’t mean we lack faith.

• Myth: Showing emotion is a sign of weakness.

Truth: Emotions are a part of our humanity. Showing emotion is healthier than denying and suppressing our feelings.

• Myth: Grieving should last only 2 or 3 months.

Truth: There is no set time when grieving should end.

• Myth: Grief should be kept private.

Truth: Expressing grief over our loss helps us to heal and gives others the opportunity to offer their support.

• Myth: Grief follows an orderly and predetermined pattern.

Truth: Grieving is a unique experience. There’s no set pattern.

• Myth: Losing an infant isn’t painful because the parents didn’t have time to bond.

Truth: Losing an infant is a big loss and should not be compared with other losses.

• Myth: Talking about the deceased person will intensify the pain.

Truth: Sharing with others about the deceased person helps us process our emotions and encourages healing.

• Myth: Being happy after a loved one has died is a betrayal to their memory.

Truth: Healing and being happy can help us to recall the special times we shared with our loved one while they were with us.

• Myth: Healing means that we must forget our loved one in order to move forward.

Truth: Healing means that we have chosen to live our life fully and that includes cherishing the memories of our loved one.

Pressure to conform to a predetermined set of beliefs can actually slow down the healing process and compound the grief due to guilt. Believing that we will get through this with God, seeking Him and relying on His Word to provide comfort will not only bring healing, it will strengthen our faith so that we in turn can help someone else that’s grief.

“Who comforts us in all our affliction so that we will be able to comfort those who are in any affliction with the comfort with which we ourselves are comforted by God.” 2 Corinthians 1:4 

Although the world is full of suffering, it is also full of the overcoming of it.” (Helen Keller)

To donwload FREE articles on healing from loss and suggestions on what to “say/do” when expressing sypmathy please visit my website www.grief-recovery.org