What Can I Do To Help?

The pain that we feel when we loose a loved one as a result of death or divorce affects each of us differently. It’s a deeply personal experience that we interpret through our unique view of the world and our lived experiences. Many factors including our personality, beliefs, culture and our relationship with the person we lost will determine how we grieve. The range of emotions that we feel can include: denial, anger, fear, hurt, depression, guilt, etc. Our emotions may vary in intensity as well as the manner in which we express them.

There is no right or wrong way to grieve nor is there a prescribed length of time. Some people may grieve for weeks, months or even years before they’re ready to move forward and embrace life again.

Allowing the grieving person room to find their own way toward healing while at the same time providing support is a wonderful thing. Caring can be expressed in many ways. The following are a few suggestions.

• Send a card with a handwritten note
• Call them on a regular basis
• Listen without censoring or judging
• Invite them to dinner at your home
• Encourage them to attend a grief support group
• Offer to attend the first meeting with them
• Give them a grief recovery book if they’re not ready to join a group.
• Ask them what they need help with

There are many other ways that you can help–let your heart lead the way. The important thing is to stay in touch and follow through with your offer to help.

To read and download additional articles on Healing From Loss please visit my website.  www.grief-recovery.org

To Hurt or Not to Hurt

Emotional pain, similar to physical pain, lets us know that something is wrong and needs our attention. Why then do we go to great lengths to ignore or suppress it instead of attending to it? There are as many answers to that question as there are people. However, I’ll offer a few reasons of my own. Emotions can get messy and lead us to places that we would rather not go. Other people get uncomfortable when we “show” our feelings and may pull away from us. Dealing with emotions takes time and energy (and money) and we don’t have enough of either.

While all of those reasons are valid, none of them will provide the help we need to keep us from sinking into a slump the next time someone makes an unkind remark. Dealing with pain when it first appears requires less effort and time (not to mention money) then allowing it to drop into the slush pile where it lies smoldering, waiting for the spark that will ignite it.

When something happens in my life that gives rise to anger that quickly settles into hurt, I ask myself three questions. What really happened? I do my best to examine the situation objectively including looking at it from the other person’s viewpoint. Next, I ask myself why does this bother me so much? Oftentimes I find that the present situation connects to underlying and unresolved feelings. Lastly, I pose the question what can I do about it? Sometimes the answer is simply to let it go. Other times I may choose to speak with the person privately and share my feelings.

As with most things in life, our perception and attitude can provide clarity and the space we need to take a second look at ourselves and our feelings before reacting.  One of my favorite quotes by Norman Vincent Peale is “change your thoughts and you change your world.” Our perception determines our reaction which in turn effects the outcome.

Please visit my website for FREE articles on “Healing from Loss” and other information  www.paulinajaramillo.org.  

Handling Hurt

“He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds.” (Ps 147:3)    

When a crisis or catastrophic event occurs, it’s normal and even heallthy to feel hurt.  Some of the ways that hurt expresses itself is through feelings of sadness, disillusionment, depression and anger. These feelings can become intense, and when suppressed, can find an outlet through bouts of rage followed by guilt and self-loathing. When someone or something important to us has been lost, the pain we feel is compounded by the chaos and profound impact it has created in our life. In some cases, existing relationships may undergo a transition or cease to exist altogether. People occasionally distance themselves from someone who’s hurting because they don’t know how to help, or in some cases, may be unable to as a result of their own issues.

Recognizing our hurt feelings, sharing them with someone we trust and asking them for help is an important step in healing. In some cases we may wish to set new boundaries or evaluate existing relationships. No matter how difficult the decision or how blurred the lines may become,  God is all-knowing and all-loving and desires to help us. As He mends the pieces of our broken heart, He restores wholeness and enaables us to reach out to others and extend His mercy.

How do you help a friend that’s hurting and reaching out to you for help?

 Please visit my website: www.grief-recovery.org to download FREE articles on healing.

What To Do When You Don’t Know What To Do

The pain that we feel when we loose a loved one as a result of death or divorce affects each of us differently. It’s a deeply personal experience that we interpret through our unique view of the world and our lived experiences. Many factors including our personality, beliefs, culture and our relationship with the person we lost will determine how we grieve. The range of emotions that we feel can include: denial, anger, fear, hurt, depression, guilt, etc. Our emotions may vary in intensity as well as the manner in which we express them.

There is no right or wrong way to grieve nor is there a prescribed length of time. Some people may grieve for weeks, months or even years before they’re ready to move forward and embrace life again.

Allowing the grieving person room to find their own way toward healing while at the same time providing support is a wonderful thing. Caring can be expressed in many ways. The following are a few suggestions.

• Send a card with a handwritten note
• Invite them to dinner at your home
• Encourage them to attend a grief support group
• Offer to attend the first meeting with them
• Buy a grief recovery book (if they’re not ready to join a group)
• Ask them what they need help with
• Follow through with your offer to help.

The important thing is to be sincere and to be available.

To read and/or download articles on grief recovery please visit my website.  www.grief-recovery.org