Although our loss may be similar to the losses that others have experienced, the way in which we process grief is unique to who we are. Each of us grieve in our own way and at our own pace due to many factors including our personality, the uniqueness of our loss as well as our life experiences and belief system. Nevertheless, many people find it difficult to accept or make allowances for that reality. This has given rise to several myths and misconceptions about the “proper” way to grieve. I would like to share the most common myths with you along with a brief counter argument.
- Myth: Grieving shows a lack of faith in God.
Truth: It’s natural to weep and experience sorrow when we lose a loved one. It doesn’t mean we lack faith.
- Myth: Showing emotion is a sign of weakness.
Truth: Emotions are a part of our humanity. Showing emotion is healthier than denying and suppressing our feelings.
- Myth: Grieving should last only 2 or 3 months.
Truth: There is no set time when grieving should end.
- Myth: Grief should be kept private.
Truth: Expressing grief over our loss helps us to heal and gives others the opportunity to offer their support.
- Myth: Grief follows an orderly and predetermined pattern.
Truth: Grieving is a unique experience. There’s no set pattern.
- Myth: Losing an infant isn’t painful because the parents didn’t have time to bond.
Truth: Losing an infant is a big loss and should not be compared with other losses.
- Myth: Talking about the deceased person will intensify the pain.
Truth: Sharing with others about the deceased person helps us process our emotions and encourages healing.
- Myth: Being happy after a loved one has died is a betrayal to their memory.
Truth: Healing and being happy can help us to recall the special times we shared with our loved one while they were with us.
- Myth: Healing means that we must forget our loved one in order to move forward.
Truth: Healing means that we have chosen to live our life fully and that includes cherishing the memories of our loved one.
Pressure to conform to a predetermined set of beliefs can actually slow down the healing process and compound the grief due to guilt. Believing that we will get through this with God, seeking Him and relying on His Word to provide comfort will not only bring healing, it will strengthen our faith so that we in turn can help someone else that’s grief.
“Who comforts us in all our affliction so that we will be able to comfort those who are in any affliction with the comfort with which we ourselves are comforted by God.” 2 Corinthians 1:4
Although the world is full of suffering, it is also full of the overcoming of it.” (Helen Keller)
To donwload FREE articles on healing from loss and suggestions on what to “say/do” when expressing sypmathy please visit my website www.grief-recovery.org
Life Resumed: Healing From Loss 