Tag Archive | tragedy

Coping With Sudden Death

prayerful_person

Losing a loved one under any circumstance is a painful and devastating experience. When the loss occurs suddenly, the capacity to cope is significantly reduced. Shock and disbelief impair reasoning and delay recovery and in most cases leads to complicated grief that can prolong healing. Sudden death denies us a gradual transition or the time to make necessary preparations. Instead we are thrust into a world of disbelief, confusion and anxiety while at the same time having to adjust to a dramatically altered lifestyle. We are required to deal with unfamiliar responsibilities and make decisions that we are ill prepared to make.

Oftentimes people that experience sudden loss also experience feelings of guilt causing us to mentally reconstruct the events that lead to the tragedy. We obsess over what we could have done to prevent it. Our grief is additionally complicated when we are denied the opportunity to say good-bye, and made worse still if there is unfinished business with our loved one.

It is easy to lose hope when we struggle under such enormous weight. Our limitations as human beings leave us inadequately prepared to cope with one tragedy after another. So what can we do? How do we help someone who is staggering under the onslaught of emotions due to sudden death?

1. Admit the loss and acknowledge the pain. Remaining in denial will only serve to complicate and prolong the grieving process.

2. Keep in mind that everyone experiences grieving and mourning differently. There is no right or wrong way or a specific time when grieving should end.

3. Seek strength and comfort through prayer and allow your faith in God to bring healing.

4. Give yourself permission to feel whatever you are feeling. Express your emotions as you need to and seek counseling if/when necessary.

5. Accept help from others but ask for privacy when you need to be alone. Find a quiet place where you can take stock of your emotions and explore your options.

6. If you need to say good-bye in order to achieve closure write a letter to the person you lost. Share your feelings openly and honestly. When you letter is finished read it out loud and say a prayer of release.    

7. Join a support group with people that have experienced a similar loss to yours. Listening to the experiences of others and learning what has helped them can encourage and comfort you. 

No matter how much we might want to speed up the healing process, it’s important to keep in mind that healing takes place gradually and while total healing may never happen, nor will our life return to the way it was previously, there is a lessening of sorrow. As the grief becomes less intense and the depression lifts, we can move in a new direction with renewed hope.

Paulina has a Master of Arts degree in Counseling. She conducts workshops on Healing From Loss & is the grief group facilitator at her church. Her book, “Life Interrupted; Grief Recovery Guide and Workbook” is available through Amazon & her website: http://www.grief-recovery.org.

An Invincible Army of Two

9-11 memorial

“Seek the Lord while He may be found, Call upon Him while He is near.” (Isaiah 55:5-7)

When something goes terribly wrong: a negative test result, job loss, death of a loved one, abandonment by a spouse……we panic. And after the panic subsides we seek help from people around us, or in the case of an injustice, we might even consider getting even. Forgetting that God who knows everything about us and our particular situation, is asking us to seek Him first.

For many of us the pain and shock of September 11 is still vivid; something none of us will ever forget. It symbolizes everything that is evil and serves as a reminder of the depravity that humanity is capable of when evil people are lead by evil forces. Yet through it all God is in control. And when we come to Him with our pain and confusion, we join forces with Him. We become an invincible army of two!      

To download FREE articles on Healing From Loss & to view my books on grief recovery (Life Interrupted; and A Time To Heal) please visit www.grief-recovery.org 

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Living Truth

bible_with_candle“You shall know the truth and the truth shall set you free.” John 8:32

Denial serves a purpose—at least in the beginning. It helps to cushion the initial shock and enables you to make whatever arrangements need to be made. But when denial is used to avoid reality it becomes a cushion with a false bottom.

When tragedy strikes, denial can seem like a way to escape the unbearable and overwhelming reality. However, stifling emotions connected to loss creates additional complications for the simple reason that suppressed emotions don’t stay suppressed. Sooner or later they’ll begin to surface with greater-than-ever intensity, causing you to exhibit behavior that’s not in keeping with your usual lifestyle such as: risk-taking, gambling, chemical abuse, or perhaps struggling with clinical depression and/or chronic illness.

Dealing with emotions means facing reality and that in turn means grappling with all the feelings that you’re experiencing. Thankfully, not all of them have to be dealt with at once. You can examine and work through them as they emerge. While dealing with raw emotions may not sound very appealing—living your life fully and with purpose is worth the effort it will take to reach that goal.

The above is an excerpt from my book, Life Interrupted: Grief Recovery Guide and Workbook, available through http://www.grief-recovery.org/ and Amazon.com. Visit the website to download FREE ‘Healing From Loss’ articles.