The loss of a loved one turns life upside down. The world as you knew it has changed and those changes require that you in turn adjust to a “new normal.” Changing your perception and behavior and moving in a new direction is not easy. In fact, it’s probably the most difficult thing you’ll ever be asked to do. The mere thought of letting go causes anxiety because you assume that letting go means forgetting the person and denying that the relationship ever existed. Nothing could be further from the truth. Letting go means releasing the sorrow but cherishing the memories that you shared together and recalling the joy that each of you brought to the relationship.
Setting up a memorial can be a way of holding your special memories close to you and at the same time sharing them with others. There are no set rules for erecting a memorial. However, before you decide on a specific project, spend some time considering what would summarize the person’s life in a loving and meaningful way. Gather mementos and memorabilia and look through them. Ask friends and family for input.
You may not be ready for months or perhaps years to consider a memorial. However, when you’re ready, the following pages contain suggestions to help you get started.
Memorial Garden
It can be a simple flowerbed or an elaborate garden that includes a fountain and/or a pond. Be sure to include flowers and/or plants that had special significance to the person you’re honoring.
Memory Book
Put together a collection of memorabilia that was meaningful to the person. It can include awards, pictures, newspaper clippings, art, etc.
Video
Encourage others to contribute pictures going back as far as possible. Include dates and captions and add his/her favorite music. Keep it cheerful and lighthearted.
Website
Write about the influence the person had in your life and in the lives of others. Include accomplishments at work and in the community and any volunteer work or charitable organizations they were involved with. Include pictures, stories, testimonials from friends, awards and accomplishments, etc.
Donate
Make a contribution to his/her favorite charity or foundation in their name. Ask if the foundation will allow a plaque to be hung in their honor.
Volunteer
Consider spending two or three hours a week volunteering at their favorite charitable organization or one that they were associated with during their lifetime.
Scholarship
Consider setting up a new foundation that will help at-risk youth in the following ways: achieve their potential, acquire a college education, receive counseling and mentoring, etc.
While it’s important that you give yourself permission to grieve and mourn, it’s equally important that you give yourself permission to accept healing and move forward with renewed hope and purpose.
The above is an excerpt from my book Life Interrupted: Grief Recovery Guide and Workbook available through Amazon.com and www.grief-recovery.org NOTE: “See inside the book” option and FREE articles are also available on the website.
Life Resumed: Healing From Loss 