Archive | June 2020
Reach Out
Although a certain amount of personal space is healthy, purposely isolating our selves and blaming others for the tragedy is damaging to everyone involved. It will also compound the situation by adding more conflict and worst of all, will keep us locked in rather than moving forward. As human beings we’re blessed with an enormous amount of resourcefulness and adaptability, but we were never meant to carry the entire load alone.
Sharing with others can help us regain perspective and their input may expose us to new and different solutions that we may not have considered otherwise. Another benefit to being open and vulnerable is what I call the cleansing effect. If done properly, it allows us to set our pride aside, get real with people and in so doing, live our lives with greater integrity and genuineness. As you move toward healing make a determined effort to reach out to someone
you trust (family, friends, coworkers, sibling, pastor, etc.) and let them know how you’re feeling. This can be done over the phone, online or in person. Connecting and sharing with someone we trust reminds us that we’re not alone and increases our faith and assurance that we will triumph over adversity.
Why Humility?
Humbling ourselves and realizing that we can’t do it alone, is probably the single most healing action that we can take. As humans we’ve been blessed with an array of abilities that enable us to make decisions, adjust our course and even fight to save our lives and/or the lives of others. Pride; however, is a negative state of mind that keeps us from asking and receiving the help we need at a time when we need it most. And even worse, pride puts us in a place of superiority toward God and destroys any possibility of an intimate relationship with Him
Years of struggle have taught me many lessons. The most important one is the extent of God’s patience and love as He waits for me to “Be still and know that I am God.” (Psalm: 46:10 NKJV). After years of relying on my own strength to bring order out of chaos and peace out of turmoil, without much success, I’ve learned to release my pride and receive his grace.
The second lesson I learned is to seek Him first, while I’m still in the midst of my anguish, rather than seeking advice from others and eventually coming around to Him. God is trustworthy. He will never disclose our deepest secrets. He gives us strength when we’re drained, brings clarity to our confusion and points us in the right direction.
In recent years, I’ve noticed a tendency for my prayers to increase as my stress levels mount. My prayers may be less than a minute or much longer in length, they may take place while I’m driving or working or upon waking up from a bad dream. And, depending upon the situation, my prayers might start out somewhat scattered and desperate but as I continue praying my mind becomes calmer and more focused until I’m able to view the situation from a different perspective.
Recovery Starts With Commitment
Recovery from any type of loss is a process that takes time and requires commitment. While others may support and encourage us, the work is primarily our own. Taking action begins by acknowledging our feelings and vulnerability and seeking God’s strength for the task ahead. This is followed by a conscious decision to move forward and to continue forging ahead regardless of the set-backs and obstacles we may encounter.
I have found that writing my commitment down (it can be in the form of a prayer) gives it greater validity and allows me to review it on a daily basis. I leave enough space at the bottom of the paper and add scripture verses or progress notes from time-to-time to help me stay focused and motivated. See sample below.
“I, _______________, (your name) am eager to reclaim my life and live it more abundantly. I realize that healing requires time, energy and commitment. Therefore, I commit to working faithfully and prayerfully on a daily basis. I will be as open and honest as I can be so that my healing can begin and progress with out hindrance. I will overcome any obstacles that would prevent me from working and progressing on my journey toward healing. I will celebrate each accomplishment that I make and will remain open to and receive the restoration that God has for me.”
A New Normal
Adjusting to a new way of life may not be what we want. However, attempting to live our lives in the past, would essentially mean living in denial. This would give rise to an entire cluster of new issues causing us to spiral downward into a sea of negative emotions and self-defeating behaviors.
Most of us are capable of making adjustments without too much effort, and some of us have gotten quite good at it due to the series of tragedies that have impacted our lives. However, dealing with the aftermath of a pandemic is something none of us have experienced previously. As a result, we’re facing a new experience and a new way of life which may include:
- Working less hours
- Finding a new job
- Loss of income
- Health concerns for ourselves and others
- Delayed or cancelled events or celebrations
- Readjusting to socialization
Our personal reaction to tragedy can range from extensive to mild, immediate to delayed, long-term to short-lived. Some days will be filled with forward movement, other days less so. There will even be days when we’re ready to quit because we seem to be moving backward. However, depending on various factors, including our perspective and our trust in God, the outcome may have surprising and positive results. In my case, it opened up a new ministry and a new career path–helping others heal from catastrophic loss.
Life Resumed: Healing From Loss 